it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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