Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
