The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
