so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
