If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
