and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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