I have demons in me.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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