Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
