im about as happy as oj after his trial
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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