God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
my nose is crying tears of wow.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
