My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
