I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
