I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
