So drunk, too bad you don't want this
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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