i think my mom watched the whole time
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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