you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
