so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I touched a dick in church today
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
