i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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