I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
