Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
