1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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