Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize