I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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