i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
