i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
