I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
P.S. I can't hear my feet
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
