but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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