Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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