I love black thongs
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
