that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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