as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
