My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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