dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
what day is it and did you see me today?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
