her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
