There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
being pregnant is like rehab
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
