I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
