break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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