I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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