i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
