Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
