She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
