I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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