His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
