I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
