rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Randomize
