is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
