Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
