My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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