The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
