Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
