Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
