Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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