i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
