They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
