I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
