and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
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