captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
