you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
