she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
