They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
