i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
