I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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