He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
