How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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